TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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