Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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