remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
