remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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