i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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