Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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