Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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