Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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