Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we're making bets on your personal life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
