my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
