Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize