did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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