That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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