You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
