Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They have beer where we have blood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
