dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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