He kissed a someone with a penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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