the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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