You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They have beer where we have blood.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
