how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
