my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
