isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
