I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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