mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Welp...herpes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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