Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
