I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
