If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
