lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
