shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
