when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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