last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
