For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
