gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
