omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
