The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
