I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
