Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes