I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
