if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
