shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
