well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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