I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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