Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
