The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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