Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
