i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
