I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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