and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize