I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
