I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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