You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
