i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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