Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
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Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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