Yo dont text me then not text me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
