how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
