I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
