i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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