i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
